Faith will now be a 4th grader in only a few short days! And Josephine… well my baby JoJo.. my last little one at home… will now be in Kindergarten.
Now that both my girls will be in school full time, I will have more time on my own. Will I continue being a stay-at-home mom or something else?
When parenting defines you for so many years, it can be difficult to go back to having any other main role. The idea of eventually transitioning back into some sort of daily life that isn’t 100% focused on caring for children is difficult to get my head around. I know my responsibilities as a mother don’t decrease when my girls go to school. They still need me and will continue to need my steady presence for many years to come. But, when I’m off the parenting clock for large chunks of every day, will I still identify as a stay-at-home mom?
I’ve worked with my employer for over 20 years. The first 12 of those years were full-time within the company walls. Once Faith was born, I quit… but my boss wouldn’t let me go. So I continued to work for him at home. A major blessing that I will always be grateful for.
Faith is now 9 years old, and Josephine is 5. These past 9 years have been a whirlwind of mixed jobs. Child-rearing, house chores, and working in my office to continue earning a paycheck.
I have been able to be with my girls for every “first” experience in their lives. First steps, first words, first foods. For every bath and every boo-boo. For every “good morning” and every “sweet dreams.” And I owe it all to my hard-working husband who not only financially supports us, but emotionally supports my season of life as a full-time stay-at-home mother.
Now when both my girls are in school, where does that leave me? Once the carefree days of summer are over—a new chapter begins. A new season of my life is fast approaching, and I’m not certain that I’m prepared. Truth be told, I’ve known this day was coming. I’ve contemplated it for months, years even.
My employer is now semi-retired. My at-home office hours are dwindling away. I will be dropping off both of my girls every morning for school. I will be coming home to an empty house.. and with extra time on my hands.
Even when the whole gang is home, I often feel a bit adrift and aimless when I don’t have a dishwasher to unload or clothes to fold. I’m not sure what to do with myself. I was born to serve others. Born to be a wife and mother, and with no one home during the day, who do I serve? I’m having an identity crisis.
My world has silently shrunk down to being wholly centered around my family. Now, the narrow road I have traveled over the past 9 years is suddenly widening and twisting.
Everyone tells you how quickly time passes when you have kids, but no one warns you that time is also passing for you. I have been ever-present in my daughter’s lives. Now, the school will have my girls for 40 hours a week. My “full-time mom” title is being taken away. The psychological hurdle of transitioning from being a full-time mom to a mom who only sees her kids evenings and weekends is difficult to overcome.
Somewhere along the way, I’ve lost a bit of me. If someone asked me what the best event of this past year was, it would be difficult to think of something that did not involve my children. My identity has become entwined with theirs.
But now the world is opening up, my small bubble ready to burst. I must face the reality that life is changing, whether I’m ready for it or not.
“What will you do when the kids are in school?”
What indeed.
“I have dreamed of grocery shopping alone.”
“I’ll enjoy having the house clean for more than five minutes.”
“I will revel in drinking a cup of coffee, blissfully uninterrupted.”
“I’ll volunteer in my kids’ classrooms.”
“I’ll get hubby to play hooky so we can have some much needed alone time.”
And what most people are wondering … will I find a new job, now that my job of 20 years is fading away? Yes. I hope so. Don’t presume that I haven’t spent hours exploring this very question myself. I miss a lot about working outside the home – adult interaction, challenging work environment, accessing now dormant parts of my brain.
However, how will I successfully hold a long-term job? What happens during summer vacation, Christmas break, spring break, sick days, snow days, etc? Where do my girls go? Not many job positions offer the hours and flexibility parents need, and child-care is too expensive.
According to Salary.com, the average stay-at-home mom works 106 hours per week and is worth $184,820.
I’ve been happy to humbly be the Elmer’s glue that holds my house and family together, but am I now able to have a guilt-free break? I’ve stayed at home with my girls since they were born. The longest time I’ve been away from Faith is when I was in labor and delivery with Josephine. The longest time I’ve been away from Josephine is when I had surgery. Should I use the time my children are in school to take a well-deserved breather?
I graduated magna cum laude and earned a degree in Early Childhood education when Josephine was only a week old. During the ceremony, I barely felt like a college graduate because the moment I walked off the stage my baby Jo was back in my arms. Motherhood has always been and will always be my first priority.
Most of us who have held jobs outside the home receive praise more-so than a housewife. The clean laundry goes unnoticed, the freshly mopped floors get muddy and the home cooked dinner that I began at 10 in the morning does not get eaten because someone decides they don’t like it. A housewife can be a thankless job, but at the end of the day I know I’ve done it well and that makes my heart happy.
Raising my kids is the most important thing I could ever do. I am there to hold my babies when they are sick or there to hold them just because.
Being present is important, but so is being an example. I have shown my girls how to be kind towards others. I have shown them how to keep a home, not just a house. However, having something beyond motherhood is important.
I am approaching a curve in the road, unable to see what lies ahead. So I continue to hold on tight to these last fleeting days of summer, to my life as I know it. I feel an impending sense of loss, but also a tingle of excitement as I look to the future, with faith and trust in God. I have been in constant prayer that He has a plan for this next chapter of my life.
Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:5-6
