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The last video available for info on baby’s progress.

I guess the membrane sweep didn’t work.  The mild cramps and tightness I was feeling went away.  Drinking the red raspberry leaf tea hasn’t caused any contractions either.Tomorrow is another baby check-up.  I’ll have another cervical exam done, and blood pressure check.  I will give them my 24 hour urine sample.  I believe I will be having another non-stress test done.  I’m not sure if I’ll be having another ultrasound done.I have been checking my blood pressure at home all day today and it’s been fairly good all day long.  120’s/70’s up to 130’s/70’s.  Not too bad.  At least it’s been under 140/90, which is the number when doctors start getting worried.

I have a sinking feeling that I will have no choice but to schedule an induction.  I am a week overdue now, with pregnancy induced hypertension.  I don’t see the doctors allowing me to wait another week (which I gladly will do if they would just let me…)

I just hope that the doctor will allow me to at least schedule an induction for Monday morning, instead of tomorrow night.  The doctor we like isn’t on call tomorrow night, but she will be on call Monday and Tuesday.

I’m scared.  I have read about so many complications that start with a forced labor.

Pitocin side effects and risks

Pitocin Induction

I wouldn’t be as worried with an induction if I were having a smaller baby that could be delivered more easily, and if this weren’t my first baby at 36 years of age, and if I had lower blood pressure, but all of these issues I believe could increase complications for me with a forced labor.  Inductions are hard enough on a young woman’s body who is healthy with no blood pressure issues, and may be having a normal 6 to 7 pound baby… but I don’t fall into this category.

Baby Faith will probably be around 9 pounds.  I’m 36 years old with hypertension.  This is my very first pregnancy, and my body isn’t being given the opportunity to naturally begin labor on its own.  I feel like my joy has been stolen from me.  This is the time I should be excited with anticipation, and waiting to feel my body start labor on its own.  I’ve been dreaming of the day to know what that feels like.  Now, I just feel like a vessel that is holding a baby until the doctor take control.  They will plan her birth-date, and they will be in control of what my body does.  I feel like I’m already sitting in a waiting room, getting ready for the doctors to take over … instead of happily getting ready for my body to bring my baby into this world.

I know I have to leave this in God’s hands … but fear is taking over, and I’m struggling to find peace.  I wanted to be a happy and excited first time mother, but that has been taken from me.  I know the doctors have our best interests at heart, but I feel like they have invaded my space, and my mind, and stolen my opportunity for a true birth experience.  Everything will be orchestrated by the doctors and hospital policies when induction takes place.  Will this feel like a real birth experience?  I believe the only thing I will care to look back on when Faith is born is holding her in my arms.

I am thankful for my loving husband, who is going through this stress as well, but still tries to comfort me and put a smile on my face.  I love you Aaron ♥  I’m thankful for my friends and family that are praying for us.

We can all still pray for a miraculous natural birth that could happen at the last minute, but I’m losing hope.