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We had our first ultrasound on Thursday.  It was not what we expected.  The baby could not be seen on the ultrasound through my belly, so they took an ultrasound vaginally.  The baby was not measuring at 8 weeks old, but instead 5 weeks and 6 days old.   When the fetus is this small, the heartbeat cannot yet be picked up on the ultrasound.   The doctor said that either my due date has been miscalculated, or I’m in the early stages of a miscarriage.

I believe they have miscalculated the age of the fetus by almost 3 weeks.  What they did not take into account when estimating my due date is that I don’t get my period every 28 days like most women.  My periods are every 35 to 42 days, so I ovulate much later than most women.  When I informed the doctor that my cycle is 35 to 42 days, then he said, “Ok, if that’s the case then the fetus should be just shy of 6 weeks.”

Since I have been trying to conceive, I’ve been using an app that logs my menstrual cycles, estimated dates I ovulate, and times we have sex.  Looking through my app I noticed that August 29 must have been the day we conceived because that would put the baby at exactly 5 weeks and 6 days old on the day of my ultrasound.  So I do believe the due date has just been miscalculated, and I’m just not as far along as they assumed.   I have had some minor spotting a couple times, but they said that was normal.  They also said that the fetus looks perfectly normal for 5 weeks and 6 days old.

They still wanted to be sure it is not an early miscarriage so I had blood taken after the ultrasound to check my HCG levels, and on Saturday I had blood drawn again to make sure that my HCG levels were rising normally which would indicate the baby is growing normally and is fine.  If the HCG levels drop, this can indicate an early miscarriage.  I got the results back and my HCG levels are barely rising.  They are suppose to double every 48 hours.  My first blood draw showed my HCG levels at around 56,000… and my second blood draw showed my HCG levels at around 68,000.  My doctor said she is not very optimistic, BUT not to lose hope.  I will have another ultrasound next week to see if the fetus is growing, and if there is a heartbeat.

To be honest, I am worried.  I realize, due to my age, that this could be another miscarriage.  I’ve also lost some of my pregnancy symptoms.  The nausea has went away, and I’m not as fatigued.  Despite all of this, we are fervently praying for a healthy baby.  Please, please say a prayer for us.

So… I should be 6 weeks pregnant, but I won’t post another belly pic until we have more information.  For now, I will post a video of Faith playing in the yard with her Daddy ♥

 

 

I’m sad to say that today’s ultrasound did not give me good news.  The baby has not grown since the last ultrasound, and there was no heartbeat.  I’m an having another miscarriage.

I will not dwell on the sadness.  Instead I have been praising God for His love, His comfort, and all of the blessings He has already given me.  I have a beautiful daughter.  A wonderful husband.  We are healthy, and happy.

God IS GOOD ♥

I acknowledge that God is sovereign, and all-knowing.  A sparrow does not fall to the ground without His consent (Matthew 10:29-30), a hair does not leave my head without His noting. He knows. And I can fully trust that for some reason which I may never understand, He has lovingly allowed this occurrence.  He is Good.  Trustworthy.  Wise.

I’m thankful. I will meditate on the excellence of His blessings in my life. There are too many to count. The blessings that I see, and those that I don’t. My husband, and daughter that He has already gifted me.  My heart overflows with thanksgiving for it all.

I will be compassionate.  I can offer compassion to others who are experiencing the hardship and heartache of miscarriage, and can point the suffering to the God of all Comfort (2 Corinthians 1:3-4).

I will forge ahead.  It will take time. My baby will not be forgotten as my life continues.  He will forever be embedded in my heart, and in God’s Heaven.  I need to continue running the race towards the prize that God has called us heavenward (Philippians 3:13-14).

I will grow in the Lord. There are lessons here to be learned. Lessons of faith and trust that God intended for me to learn through my grief. I will take time to think, ponder, and pray.  I will tune in to what He is doing in my heart, and what His will for me is.

I have hope. There is hope. My hope is in the Lord,  (Psalm 42:11),  in His promises to me, and in His Word.

I have Joy. The joy of the Lord is my strength.  He has been ever-faithful every step of the way.  He has not left or forsake me. (Hebrews 13:5). Even in the midst of this… I will rejoice.

Excerpt from womenabiding.com

One day,  I will see my babies in Heaven.  For now I will laugh and play with my baby girl and continue thanking God every single day for the rest of my life for giving Aaron and me such a funny, happy, beautiful daughter.

 

Thank you, Lord, for my life, and Your love.  Wherever you lead, I will follow ♥

 

Faith is now 2 1/2 years old.  How time flies… and I haven’t blogged about my baby girl in a long while so here we go!

Her check-up went extremely well today.  No tears!  For the first time ever!  In the past, as soon as a female nurse approaches her, she starts bawling in anticipation of pokes and prods and pain.  But fortunately Faith’s memory of her baby shots are fading, and she has finished her immunization at her 2 year check-up.  So today, as the nurse began examining her (Faith did not have to be on my lap)  she was a brave girl and sat on the table all by herself and simply allowed the nurse to do her thing.  I was so amazed that I just had to begin recording!…

All smiles!  Daddy and I were so so proud of her!  They asked about giving her a flu shot, but I just wanted to spare her grief this time.  She has had so many unpleasant experiences in the past,  I just wanted her to have a happy Dr. visit.

There are some things I am concerned about though, but the pediatrician doesn’t seem to be too worried.  Faith is a skinny girl.  SKINNY.  Her weight is still 25 pounds and that’s in the 10%-25% percentile range for her age.  That means only 10% to 25% of toddlers her age are just as skinny.  Her BMI is worse.  It’s 14.4 and that’s in the 5%-10% percentile for her age!  Only 5% to 10% of toddlers her age are just as skinny.  Most toddlers weigh much more.  However, the pediatrician says that her growth chart is climbing as it should, and although she is skinnier than most toddlers, she is thriving and healthy.  She is a little over 35″ tall and that’s in the 50% percentile for her age so that is good.  She is just a gangly girl, but a healthy one.  I was SKINNY as a child, and so was Aaron… so this is the main reason why she’s a bean pole!  Here is a picture of me at Kindergarten graduation…

And Aaron (left) was almost as skinny!

So I will try not to worry.  Faith is a good eater, and very energetic.  I’m thankful that she is healthy and happy.  Still, I feel like I should let her snack on a stick of butter once in a while ;)

As for her potty training.  It has been difficult.  Last month I put her in undies and we bought her a new little training potty.  All went well for the first day …

She peed in her underwear and it went on the floor the first few times.  She did NOT like seeing that.  I didn’t make a big deal out of it.  I laughed and said,  “Uh-oh!  That’s ok!”  But still, she cried.  On the second day she would not pee in her underwear at all.  Every time I would have her sit on the potty, she continued to hold it. During the day as she played, she kept holding it until she could hold it no longer and she would cry and hold herself, but still would NOT pee.  I would put her on the potty so she could relieve herself, and still she would hold it!  She would continue crying as I hugged her and had her stay on her potty.  I would tell her, “It’s ok to go pee pee now.”  But she simply refused until she could hold it no longer.  Then when the pee came out against her will she would try and get up from the potty, but then she would sit back down because she didn’t want to pee on the floor, and she was in a panic because the pee was coming out and she didn’t want it in the toilet, or on the floor.  She begged for her diaper :(   I decided to wait to potty train, and the pediatrician agrees.  The pediatrician said that most toddlers aren’t ready until 3.   Poor thing.  We have tried everything to make it a pleasant experience for her, but she is simply not ready.  We will try again in a month, and see how it goes.  We want her to relax and enjoy this milestone in her life.

Faith has also began to show some signs of having asthma.  This past summer she had an asthma attack after playing with kids at preschool.  She had to go to the emergency room.  They gave her a breathing treatment and that cleared her lungs.  We were sent home with her own inhaler and air chamber.  She recently had a bad chest cold which also caused her to wheeze.  After a puff of her inhaler she was fine.  I’m an asthmatic, and I hope Faith won’t be burdened with a lifetime of this.  Fortunately when children develop asthma at a young age they usually grow out of it.  I hope that’s the case with Faith.